Romance scams and sextortion: the warning signs

A romance scam is a relationship faked online to get money from you. Sextortion is blackmail: someone threatens to share intimate images or video of you, real or faked, unless you pay. Both are crimes, both are common on dating sites and social media, and both rely on the same thing: that you'll feel too embarrassed to tell anyone.

If you're dating discreetly, that pressure can feel stronger. This guide explains how each scam works, the signs to watch for, and exactly who to contact in Ireland and the UK.

How common are romance scams?

Romance fraud is reported thousands of times a year in the UK and has cost Irish victims millions of euro. Report Fraud said in May 2026 that it received 10,784 romance-fraud reports in 2025, up 29% on 2024, with losses of more than £102 million and an average loss of about £9,500.

In Ireland, An Garda Síochána said in February 2024 that over €7 million had been stolen from victims of romance fraud in the previous five years, that 245 victims had reported since 2020, most of them women, and that the average loss was €28,500. These are reported cases only.

How a romance scam usually unfolds

An Garda Síochána describes a pattern that repeats with small variations. It tends to run in stages:

1. Contact. Someone attractive and attentive gets in touch. They ask lots of questions about you but give vague answers about themselves.
2. Closeness. Within days they're using pet names and talking about a future.
3. Moving off the site. They suggest instant messaging, texts or calls instead of on-site messages.
4. Excuses. Plans to meet or video call keep falling through.
5. Money. It's often small at first and grows: travel costs to come and see you, a medical emergency, a business deal that's stuck, a customs fee, or an investment they want to "share" with you.

An example of how the ask can sound: "I hate even asking, but my card's been frozen abroad and I can't pay the hotel. I'll send it back the moment I'm home, and then I can finally come and see you." The story is always urgent, always plausible and always about to be over.

Warning signs

Most romance scams show several of these at once:

• They want to leave the dating site quickly.
• They're curious about you and evasive about themselves; details don't add up, or their spelling doesn't match the job they claim.
• The closeness is intense and fast.
• They can't or won't video call, or the camera is always "broken".
• Meetings are cancelled at the last minute.
• Any mention of money, investments, crypto, gift cards or "just until I'm paid".
• They ask you to install an app, such as remote-access software, or to share codes sent to your phone.

The Gardaí's advice is short: use trusted sites, don't share personal details, don't send or receive money, think twice before using your webcam, and trust your instincts. They also suggest running a match's photos through a reverse image search, never paying anyone on the promise that they'll visit, and getting independent financial and legal advice before investing in anything suggested by someone you met online.

Sextortion: how it works

Sextortion is blackmail using intimate material. Someone persuades you to share images or perform on a video call, or claims to have recorded you, then demands money and threatens to send the material to your partner, family, friends or employer. Report Fraud notes that the images may be real or fabricated. Some blackmailers research you first, using details from your profile or social media (profiles here are shared across a network of partner sites, as how Olivia Raven works explains), and the Internet Watch Foundation says some send victims a compilation of the image alongside their social media and friends lists to frighten them.

If you're in a discreet relationship, or your partner doesn't know you're on a dating site, the threat can feel overwhelming. That's exactly what the blackmailer is counting on.

What to do if you're being blackmailed

Don't pay, save the evidence, cut contact and report it. The Internet Watch Foundation's advice for adults, which matches the Gardaí's and Report Fraud's, is:

1. Don't pay. Paying usually leads to more demands. If you've already paid, stop there.
2. Save the evidence first: screenshots of messages, usernames, profile links, payment details and any links they sent. Don't delete anything.
3. Stop all contact and block them on every platform. Report Fraud suggests deactivating social media accounts rather than deleting them, so evidence isn't lost.
4. Report it to the police, and to the platform. On Olivia Raven, report the profile through the members help centre.
5. Get support. This is not your fault. The person blackmailing you is the one committing a crime.

In Ireland

Sharing, or threatening to share, an intimate image without consent is an offence under the Harassment, Harmful Communications and Related Offences Act 2020, known as Coco's Law, with penalties of up to seven years' imprisonment and unlimited fines. Report it at any Garda station. You can also report intimate image abuse to Hotline.ie, Ireland's national centre for combating illegal content online, which works with the Gardaí and can request removal of the content.

In the UK

Report sextortion to your local police on 101, or 999 if you're at immediate risk. The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults aged 18 and over living in the UK with intimate image abuse, including sextortion and webcam blackmail. It's on 0345 6000 459, 10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday excluding bank holidays, or by email at help@revengepornhelpline.org.uk.

Wherever you are

StopNCII.org, run by the Revenge Porn Helpline, lets adults create a digital fingerprint (a "hash") of an intimate image on their own device. The image isn't uploaded; only the hash is shared with participating companies so they can detect and remove copies. You must be the person in the image and have been 18 or over when it was taken. It's free.

If you've lost money

Call your bank or card provider first, then report it to the police. The Gardaí advise contacting your bank without delay; in the UK, you can call 159 to reach many banks safely.

Report Fraud replaced Action Fraud on 4 December 2025 and covers England, Wales and Northern Ireland. In the UK, you can also forward a suspicious email to the National Cyber Security Centre at report@phishing.gov.uk.

Staying out of reach

Most of this can be prevented with a few habits: keep chat on the site until you've met, video call before meeting, never send intimate images to someone you haven't met, and keep your surname, workplace and social media off your profile. Our privacy checklist for women goes through each one, and staying safe on Olivia Raven explains what the platform checks: photos are reviewed, but what members write about themselves isn't. When you do meet, the first-meeting guide keeps it safe.

If the threats have left you feeling desperate, Samaritans are free on 116 123 in Ireland and the UK, day or night. Irish readers will find more local contacts in the Ireland guide.