Online dating privacy for women: a practical checklist

Privacy online is rarely broken by one big mistake. It's usually small details that add up: a first name and a gym, a photo that's also on your Instagram, a work lanyard in the corner of a picture. This checklist is about keeping those details apart so that strangers can't piece together who you are before you choose to tell them.

It's written with women in mind first, but every step works for anyone, and none of it needs technical skill.

The checklist at a glance

1. Set up a separate email

A separate email address used only for dating is the simplest privacy step you can take, because it keeps your real name and main inbox out of the picture from day one.

• Create a new address with a name that isn't your full name.
• Give it a strong password you don't use anywhere else.
• Turn on two-step verification (2SV), which means a code is needed as well as your password when you sign in. The UK's National Cyber Security Centre says 2SV helps keep criminals out of your accounts even if they know your password.
• Use it for any dating site, so password resets and notifications go there.

2. Choose photos that can't be traced

Use photos taken just for dating, with nothing in the background that shows where you live or work.

• Use new photos. A picture already on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn can often be matched with a reverse image search, a tool that finds the same or similar pictures elsewhere online. The Gardaí suggest using it the other way round too: run a match's photos through one to check they're genuine.
• Check the background. Remove anything that shows your street, house number, car registration, workplace, uniform, school logo or a recognisable view from your window.
• Consider not showing your face at first. A silhouette, a side profile with hair across your face, or a hands-and-a-glass shot can show personality without identifying you.
• Think about location data. Many phones can save where a photo was taken inside the file. Check your camera settings, or take a screenshot of the photo and upload that instead.
• On Olivia Raven, photos are reviewed and the rules don't allow nudity or lingerie. Treat that as a floor, not the whole plan: anything on a profile can be screenshotted.

3. Write a profile that says who you are, not where to find you

Describe what you're curious about, not the facts that identify you. Leave out your surname, employer, unusual job title, children's names and schools, and the specific town if it's small.

Remember who's reading. Profiles on Olivia Raven are shared with partner sites in the same network, so members of those sites can see and message you. Write as if a neighbour or colleague could come across it, because in principle they could. How Olivia Raven works explains the network in plain terms.

4. Keep conversation on the site at first

Stay in on-site messages until you've talked for a while and, ideally, met. An Garda Síochána lists trying to move communication away from dating websites as a common sign of romance fraud.

When you're ready to move on, consider a second number, either a second SIM or an app-based number, rather than your main one. Check what your messaging app shows to new contacts, such as your profile photo, name, "last seen" and status, and adjust it before you share.

5. Watch what you give away in conversation

Share personal details gradually, and only once you trust someone. It's easy to mention, without thinking, that you work at the hospital, that your daughter's at the school by the park, or that you'll be at a particular café on Saturday.

The Gardaí advise never sharing your address or a copy of your passport or driving licence with someone you've met online, and to be wary of anyone who asks lots of questions while revealing little about themselves.

An example of a friendly no, to put in your own words: "I'd rather keep work and where I live to myself until we've met. Nothing personal, it's just how I do this. Ask me anything else."

Someone worth meeting will accept that. Someone who keeps pushing has told you something useful.

6. Intimate images: the hard rule

Don't send intimate photos or video to someone you haven't met. Never send anything that shows your face and body together, or a recognisable tattoo, room or piece of jewellery.

Sextortion is blackmail using intimate images, real or faked: someone threatens to share them unless you pay. The Internet Watch Foundation's advice is clear: don't pay, stop contact and block, keep evidence, and report it. In Ireland, sharing or threatening to share an intimate image without consent is an offence under Coco's Law, and Hotline.ie can take reports and request removal. In the UK, the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults on 0345 6000 459, 10am to 4pm on weekdays.

StopNCII.org is a free tool that creates a digital fingerprint of an image on your own device so participating platforms can block it, without the image itself being uploaded. The scams and sextortion guide explains reporting in full.

7. Meeting without giving away where you live

Meet in a busy public place, travel there and back independently, and don't let a date drive you home the first time. Tell a friend where you'll be. The first-meeting guide has the full checklist.

8. Your phone and your devices

Protect the device that holds your conversations:

• Lock your phone with a PIN or biometrics.
• Turn off message previews on your lock screen for dating and messaging apps.
• Log out of the members area on shared computers.
• Never install an app a match asks you to, especially remote-access apps that let someone else see or control your screen; the Gardaí warn about exactly this. Legitimate dates don't need your location, your codes or access to your phone.

9. Your bank statement

Check the billing name shown at checkout before you pay; that's the name your statement will show. If you share an account or a card, expect that line to be seen. The privacy and discretion page explains the statement, emails and profile in more detail.

10. Leaving cleanly

When you're done, cancel any membership in Settings > Billing and delete your account at avatar > Settings > Delete Account, then close the separate email if you no longer need it. Account help has the steps.

If anything goes wrong at any point, from pressure to threats, our safety page lists where to get help in Ireland and the UK.