Discreet dating in Ireland: privacy, prices and where to get help

Why privacy takes more thought in Ireland

In a small country, the chance that someone you know comes across your profile is higher than in a big city abroad. A neighbour, a colleague, a parent from the school gate or an old classmate may be browsing too. Plan for it from the start:

• Leave your town off if it's small, or describe a wider area. "West of Ireland" or "Dublin southside" gives people a sense of distance without pinpointing you.
• Use photos nobody has seen. Pictures from Facebook or Instagram can be recognised, or matched with a reverse image search. A photo without your face is a perfectly normal place to start.
• Watch for local giveaways: a GAA jersey with a club crest, a recognisable pub or beach, a school uniform in the background, a car registration with a county code.
• Keep identifying detail out of your text. Your job title, your children's ages, the name of your estate or the gym you go to can narrow you down quickly.
• Remember the network. Profiles on Olivia Raven are shared with partner sites in the same network, so members of those sites can see and message you too. Assume a wider audience than the site's name suggests.

The privacy checklist for women goes through all of this step by step.

What shows up where?

Three things can reveal that you use a dating site: your card statement, your inbox and your profile. Here's how each works:

More detail is on the privacy and discretion page.

Who will I meet?

We don't publish member numbers, and we won't pretend to know how many people are active in your county. Because profiles are shared across a network of partner sites, who you'll find depends on who is on that network in Ireland at the time.

Members describe themselves, and that text isn't checked, so someone who says they're in an open relationship may or may not have a partner who knows. Ask directly, and early. Joining and browsing are free, so the honest advice is to look first and pay only if you see people you'd like to talk to.

What it costs, and in which currency

Joining, creating a profile and browsing are free. Reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership:

The members area shows the exact price of each plan, and the billing name for your statement, before you pay. Memberships renew automatically until you cancel in Settings > Billing.

Prices have been shown in US dollars. Before you confirm, check the amount and currency on the payment page. If you're charged in dollars on a euro card, your bank converts it and may add a foreign-currency fee, so the figure on your statement can differ slightly.

Every membership renews automatically until you cancel in Settings > Billing. Set a reminder a couple of days before the renewal date. The prices page covers renewals and refunds, and account help shows how to cancel and delete.

Staying safe when you meet

Meet in a busy public place, make your own way there and home, and tell a friend where you'll be. In a smaller town, it may make sense to meet somewhere you're less likely to be recognised, such as a hotel bar in the next town, but don't trade safety for privacy: avoid isolated spots and anywhere you'd struggle to get home from. The first-meeting guide has the full checklist, including what to send a friend.

Where to get help in Ireland

If something goes wrong, these are the Irish services to contact. In an emergency, call 999 or 112.

Coco's Law

Coco's Law is the common name for the Harassment, Harmful Communications and Related Offences Act 2020. It makes it an offence to distribute, publish or threaten to distribute an intimate image of someone without their consent, with intent to cause harm or being reckless about it. Penalties go up to seven years' imprisonment and unlimited fines. Hotline.ie and the Gardaí run an online facility for reporting intimate image abuse and requesting removal. The scams and sextortion guide explains what to do step by step.

Sexual health

The HSE runs a free home STI testing service for anyone aged 17 or over living in the Republic. You order a kit through sh24.ie; it arrives in discreet packaging and tests for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV and syphilis, with hepatitis tests where needed. Negative results come by text, usually within 72 hours of the lab receiving your samples. Positive results come with directions to free treatment at a public sexual health clinic.

Our guide to sexual health with more than one partner covers condoms, testing and talking to partners.

Counselling

If you're thinking about opening your relationship, or working through what happens next, a counsellor can help. The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy has a find-a-therapist directory searchable by issue and location, and Relationships Ireland offers couples counselling and sex therapy, based in Dublin (01 678 5256). Ask any counsellor about their experience with open relationships before you book.

Your data

If you have a complaint about how a company handles your personal data, the Data Protection Commission is Ireland's regulator.

In Northern Ireland

Northern Ireland follows UK rules and services. The UK's Report Fraud service covers Northern Ireland: report online at reportfraud.police.uk or call 0300 123 2040. In an emergency, call 999. The privacy and meeting advice above applies just the same; see staying safe on Olivia Raven for the UK contacts, including help with intimate image abuse.